Stranger Danger

When I first got to Berlin, I was overly cautious. I wore my purse under my thick coat and tried not to carry one at all, instead conveniently stashing everything I needed in pockets. I was good about not getting on the train while intoxicated and/or sleepy. I avoided areas with very few people, and I really didn't stay out all that late.

With time, I felt more comfortable. I could navigate the public transit system and got better at not getting lost. I dared to ride alone in empty trains very, very late in the night and even once fell asleep. Sometimes I walked through poorly lit areas alone and often with the screen of my phone glowing. Once, I went for a run alone at 11 PM.

In short, I got cocky.

At around 4 AM on early Saturday morning, I was robbed at an U-Bahn station. While standing alone on the platform listening to music on my phone, a man came up to me and asked me for directions in very broken German. I pointed him in the right direction, and he was thankful - so much so that he wanted to give me a hug. Is that weird? Yes, Annie, that is actually really weird! But I had just had a hug-full evening with my friends and some Europeans can be that friendly, I questionably convinced myself. I was tired and had had at this point a horrendous week. I gave the dude a hug. And then he asked for another.

Now at this point, you might be thinking, "Annie, were you seriously drunk at the time?" The police asked me the same later on and no, I was not drunk. I have no explanation for why I did it, other than that I was so tired and somehow thought that there was no way this person was a bad guy. He couldn't be a bad guy. I should just be able to tell if he were. He came up to me asking for help. I helped him. It's not like he was being obviously creepy or anything. He just wanted to get home and it was late at night and I had done him a favor. He couldn't be a bad guy. He just couldn't. I had been nice.

So I give the guy a second hug and it's lasting awkwardly long. At this point, I'm mainly afraid he's trying to sexually assault me but next thing I knew, he had worked my bag off my arm and onto his and booked it. My first instinct was to chase him, but I couldn't keep up with him. At one point, he dumped the contents of my bag out, and we both knew what he was after: my phone. I reached for it and had it in my hand for a final fleeting moment before he snatched it and ran off.

At this point, I had given up. There was no point in going after him; the opportunity cost was way too high. I was lucky to still have all my cards, documents, and cash. I called the police using the Notruf button, and maybe ten police officers showed up within a few minutes. They asked me to describe the man. I couldn't even tell them what he was wearing. They asked me if the scratches and bit of blood on my arms were from the altercation. I guess they were, but I certainly didn't feel it at the time. I was absolutely, positively stunned by the experience.

I walked away with a sore arm and bruises on my chest and knees, none of which I felt until I woke up in the morning after two hours of tossing and turning. My bag and all of its contents, with the exception of my phone, are thankfully here with me. I don't regret for even a second going after the guy, even if it would've been risky. If I hadn't, I would've had to spend the entire day calling companies, cancelling cards, and writing emails.

Sometimes, I forget that I am a 5' Asian girl who doesn't look like much to overtake and honestly is an easy target. As bad of an experience as this was, I got really lucky. I can't even imagine what else could've happened to me and what else could continue happening to me if I don't start taking better care of myself.

I laid in bed for hours the morning of simply reworking the scenario in my head and victim blamed myself for most of that time. I know better, what the hell was I thinking, I basically deserved what I got, etc.  Even now, I'm quite furious with myself for being so naive, and it's gonna take a while for me to forgive myself.

That really capped off a truly dreadful week for me.

But do you know what always managed to put a smile on my face?

The love and support of my friends and family both here and at home. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed yesterday. They got me breakfast in the morning, laid in bed with me while I read the first pages of Emil und die Detektive out loud, checked in to ask if I was doing well mentally, met with me early so my first trip on the U-Bahn since the incident wouldn't have to be solo, they fed me dinner and beer and too many potato chips. If any of you are reading this, know that I freaking adore you.

There's nowhere to go but up.